I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
