thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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