when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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