somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
