When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
