Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
