i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
