just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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