Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
