I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Send help, water and tortillas.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
