What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
