Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
