The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Randomize
