it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
