I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
