When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
