I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
