i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
