Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
