i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
