i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
