Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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