there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
