id be glad to
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
