He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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