On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
