i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
