I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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