My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
