Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
