I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found your dick twin last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
