Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
