so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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