Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
