i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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