Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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