You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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