Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
