Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
