After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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