obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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