Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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