I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
