I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
