i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
