During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
