I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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