He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Of course I have a pirate flag
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
