why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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