i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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