he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
