Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
