omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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